Ok, she's not actually in the
City anymore, at least not in MY eyes. But according to fellow Long Island residents, we are still a part of the NYC Metro area....
It's been a hot, humid & sultry summer here on the East Coast. Perfect for Boxer's first real "outings" and such {see sarcasm dripping off your screen just like the moisture that drips off my forehead the second I open my door}. It's funny how I didn't mind the summer heat & humidity when I was a kid, and now I LOATHE it. Not as much as I loathe freezing cold winter days, but its up there. I must say that I handled living in Las Vegas, even in the summer months, better than dealing with a humid, sticky summer like this. Yea, it was hot, but I had central AC, and there was no humidity, and everybody had a pool, and OH YEA I wasn't trying to hold onto a fidgety child who cannot sit or stand still for 2 seconds.
Or perhaps I am now too fat to handle the heat? Judging by my enormous waistband.....
Back to more interesting stuff, like Boxer's progress. She has been doing fabulous! Last week she had her 6 month review with the Early intervention people and they commented on how far she has come and how well she is doing for a micro-preemie. However, she is still behind, so her services shall continue. She gets physical therapy 2x a week, occupational therapy 2x a week, and now she will have speech 2x a week as well {was only once a week, but they have upped it due to her falling backwards in the expressive speech department}. I love the EI people, I feel like they have done SO much for her, and they have certainly trained me on how to work on her problems.
{Ok, it's now about 2 weeks later and I'm just getting a moment to come on here to continue my post....}
Boxer continues to both kick ass and BE a pain in the ass! She is all over the place; this child does not know how to sit still at.all. Certainly reminds me of when she was still in my tummy. Her activity level was always off the charts, and it has carried over into what are now considered her "toddler" year{s}. Hobbling after her on this decrepit knee has been most challenging, and there are days when I want to scream in a corner and then rock back & forth until I fall asleep. {Most stay-at-home moms will tell you that there are days like this....and if they deny it, they're lying!}. Boxer is a huge fan of the pool and shows no fear of the water. It pisses me off that I'm afraid to take her to pool in my complex by myself because of my 175 year-old knee; however, when SB has off we either go together, or out to my in-laws. No doubting that she is a water baby! She has warmed up a bit to the beach as well, not as scared of the sand as she used to be, but still doesn't want much part of it, and she has no interest in the ocean whatsoever. Can't say that I blame her much as the waters of Long Island are quite murky..never know what the hell is gonna wash up on shore...{I can hear fellow Long Island residents cursing me for that last statement}...
{Speaking of residents, my next-door neighbor is an evil, bitter, nasty douche-nozzle. Living next to her is like a form of medieval torture. Just had to throw that on in there...}
Other than that, I have been missing my little boy an awful lot lately. For some reason, boy/girl twins, and just twins in general, have been all around me no matter where I go. I can't help but stare at them as they play together, and then look back at Boxer by herself. I sometimes envision what he would have looked like, and how they would have interacted together. I always felt as if Angel would have been the calmer of the 2; even before my water broke, he was always just chilling out, while Ms Boxer was doing an aerobic workout. So I sometimes see Boxer bossing him around {silently of course, since she's yet to really speak} and see him hugging and kissing her in return. Ms Boxer looks just like me, but with very blue eyes {my eyes are pretty much black}; I believe Mr Angel would have looked just like SB, but with very black eyes {SB's eyes are blue}. I feel so much remorse and sorrow in my heart when I look at Ms Boxer playing by herself at the park, or anywhere for that matter, knowing that she should have her brother by her side. She is so full of energy and spunk, ADORES other children, and runs up to anybody she sees that is under 4 feet. It's almost as if she knows there should be another "little person" next to her. I also wonder where my Angel is now; can he hear me talking to him? Does he watch over his sister as she sleeps? Does he gaze down upon us as we play in the park, and smile & giggle because he's enjoying watching us? I want to drive back to Queens so that Boxer can visit her brother's resting place, even though his name is STILL not etched in stone. {this is something that really bothers me, as I feel that there should be some sort of "proof" that he did, indeed, exist. Instead, he lies nameless in my grandmother's grave, and as time passes on, less & less people care that I can't afford to put his name where is truly belongs...} The pain of losing a child never leaves. The pain of raising a "twinless twin" is difficult to put into words. Hearing statements such as "At least you have one" hurts. Having people say "Why can't you just be happy that she is here, & healthy" hits below the belt, for I am more than happy that Boxer is in my life; however, this doesn't negate the feeling of depression or pain that I carry with me because my son is NOT here. Due to comments such as these, I keep my thoughts about Angel mostly to myself, and this is quite a huge pill to swallow without having even one person to hand you a glass of water to help it go down more smoothly. Letting some of it out on here helps me though. So thanks for listening.
I feel the need to move away from this subject, as I am softly crying while writing this, and do not want to have dark, sorrowful, tear-stained eyes when Ms Boxer awakes {YES! you read that correctly! Ms Boxer girl is actually giving me a nap! I believe she is extra fussy & tired lately due to teeth coming in. She is way overdue in the teeth department as she still only has 4 teeth, and is technically 18 months old...}
As for the new place, it is bigger than the shack {not by much but hey, it IS bigger}; however, it continues to be "The Money Pit". I guarantee that the people who "fixed" this place up to sell it literally glued it together. And not with a good strong glue; more like the tub of Elmer's glue that you used when you were in pre-school; the one that came with a small orange stick to scoop it up with..and most of the time it went promptly into your mouth. Also, having air-conditioners leaking under wood floors creates quite a disaster, and my living room is now equipped with at least 3 or 4 "speed-bumps"; skateboarders would LOVE to use it as a ramp for doing tricks--that is, if it were a bit more roomy. The termite problems continues on, and there is always a strange smell of mold in the kitchen, even though I clean it 1000x a day. The windows, suck, they let in all the hot air, and once it gets cold, they will let in all the cold air. Our bath tub was put together by Stevie Wonder back in 1968, and the house is "sinking". This is just the tip of the iceberg. If I were to get into all the woes of this house, I would have write a separate blog entry. And yes, the people of Long Island still suck as bad as the smell of a homeless man living on Las Vegas Boulevard in the middle of an August heat wave.
Now, I really, really, REALLY want to put up an updated pic of Ms Boxer. She has grown up to be one of the most stunning little girls I have ever laid eyes upon {ok, I'm a bit biased, but she really is pretty!}. However, the spam blogs continue to plague me, and this makes me nervous. I just deleted about 14 comments posted by them, all of which lead to disgusting vile pictures that almost made me vomit {strange fetish crap}. I do not want ANYBODY who "owns" these blogs, or frequents these blogs, looking at pics of my miracle girl. So I will have to hold off, and possibly close this blog altogether. But no worries; if I do I shall start up another one and make sure all of you are able to find it!
Til next time.
